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Entertainment How tickled we were: Sir Ken Dodd’s best jokes

07:00  12 march  2018
07:00  12 march  2018 Source:   pressassociation.com

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A madcap extrovert on stage, Sir Ken Dodd has died aged 90. Here we remember some of the comedian’ s best -known jokes . Sir Ken Dodd (Stefan Rousseau/PA). – “It’ s a privilege to be asked to play here tonight on what is a very special anniversary.

A madcap extrovert on stage, Sir Ken Dodd has died aged 90. Here we remember some of the comedian’ s best -known jokes . ‘I’m approaching 50.’ ‘From which direction?'” – “ How do you make a blonde laugh on a Sunday? Tell her a joke on a Wednesday.”

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A madcap extrovert on stage, Sir Ken Dodd has died aged 90.

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A madcap extrovert on stage, Sir Ken Dodd has died aged 90. Here we remember some of the comedian’ s best -known jokes . Sir Ken Dodd (Stefan Rousseau/PA). – “It’ s a privilege to be asked to play here tonight on what is a very special anniversary.

Sir Ken Dodd (Stefan Rousseau/PA). – “It’ s a privilege to be asked to play here tonight on what is a very special anniversary. ‘I’m approaching 50.’ ‘From which direction?'” – “ How do you make a blonde laugh on a Sunday? Tell her a joke on a Wednesday.”

Here we remember some of the comedian’s best-known jokes.

Sir Ken Dodd (Peter Byrne/PA) © Provided by The Press Association Sir Ken Dodd

– “I haven’t spoken to my mother-in-law for 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.”

– “Men’s legs have a terribly lonely life – standing in the dark in your trousers all day.”

– “It’s ten years since I went out of my mind. I’d never go back.”

File Photo: Veteran entertainer Sir Ken Dodd at Buckingham Palace, London, after he was made a Knight Bachelor of the British Empire by the Duke of Cambridge. © Press Association File Photo: Veteran entertainer Sir Ken Dodd at Buckingham Palace, London, after he was made a Knight Bachelor of the British Empire by the Duke of Cambridge.

– “The trouble with Freud is that he never played the Glasgow Empire on a Saturday night after Rangers and Celtic had both lost.”

– “You think you can get away, but you can’t. I’ll follow you home and I’ll shout jokes through your letterbox” – when he was still going strong at a show as it approached midnight.

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A madcap extrovert on stage, Sir Ken Dodd has died aged 90. Here we remember some of the comedian’ s best -known jokes . Sir Ken Dodd (Stefan Rousseau/PA). – “It’ s a privilege to be asked to play here tonight on what is a very special anniversary.

Sir Ken Dodd (Stefan Rousseau/PA). – “It’ s a privilege to be asked to play here tonight on what is a very special anniversary. ‘I’m approaching 50.’ ‘From which direction?'” – “ How do you make a blonde laugh on a Sunday? Tell her a joke on a Wednesday.”

– “I’ve seen a topless lady ventriloquist. Nobody has ever seen her lips move.”

File photo: Sir Ken Dodd speaks during a tribute lunch by the British Music Hall Society, held in honour of his knighthood and to celebrate his forthcoming 90th birthday, at the Lansdowne Club ballroom in London. © Press Association File photo: Sir Ken Dodd speaks during a tribute lunch by the British Music Hall Society, held in honour of his knighthood and to celebrate his forthcoming 90th birthday, at the Lansdowne Club ballroom in London.

– “Do I believe in safe sex? Of course I do. I have a handrail around the bed.”

– “It’s a privilege to be asked to play here tonight on what is a very special anniversary. It is 100 years to the night since that balcony collapsed” – Addressing people in The Gods at a provincial theatre.

– “The French didn’t object to British beef in 1940.”

– “Honolulu: it’s got everything: sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.”

File Photo: Sir Ken Dodd from Liverpool is made a Knight Bachelor of the British Empire by the Duke of Cambridge at Buckingham Palace. © Press Association File Photo: Sir Ken Dodd from Liverpool is made a Knight Bachelor of the British Empire by the Duke of Cambridge at Buckingham Palace.

– “Age doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese”, on approaching his 80th birthday.

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A madcap extrovert on stage, Sir Ken Dodd has died aged 90. Here we remember some of the comedian’ s best -known jokes . Sir Ken Dodd (Stefan Rousseau/PA). – “It’ s a privilege to be asked to play here tonight on what is a very special anniversary.

Sir Ken Dodd (Stefan Rousseau/PA). – “It’ s a privilege to be asked to play here tonight on what is a very special anniversary. ‘I’m approaching 50.’ ‘From which direction?'” – “ How do you make a blonde laugh on a Sunday? Tell her a joke on a Wednesday.”

– “Doctor, ‘How old are you?’ ‘I’m approaching 50.’ ‘From which direction?'”

– “How do you make a blonde laugh on a Sunday? Tell her a joke on a Wednesday.”

File Photo: Sir Ken Dodd in the press room at the National Television Awards 2017, held at The O2 Arena, London. © Press Association File Photo: Sir Ken Dodd in the press room at the National Television Awards 2017, held at The O2 Arena, London.

– “How many men does it take to change a toilet roll? Nobody knows. It’s never been tried.”

– “Fifty-five years in show business, ladies and gentlemen. That’s a hell of a long time to wait for a laugh.”

– “Tonight when you get home, put a handful of ice cubes down your wife’s nightie and say: ‘There’s the chest freezer you always wanted’.”

– “My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night, saying: ‘Well, that taught me a lesson’.”

– “Love makes the world go round, or it does if you are a man over 50.”

– “My dad knew I was going to be a comedian. When I was a baby, he said, ‘Is this a joke?’.”

– “So this fellow tells the doctor, ‘Every time I sneeze I feel very sexy.’ The doctor asks, ‘What do you take?’ ‘Pepper’.”

– “I used to think I was marvellous in bed until I discovered that all my girl friends suffered from asthma.”

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How tickled we were . SIR Ken Dodd continued to perform right through to his later years, bringing the energy and stamina of a man half his age to his manic routines in theatres up and down the land.

There was joke after joke after joke full of observations, stories, even jokes about funny place names in Warrington. He was very good builder. I would like to finish this piece by saying congratulations once again to Ken – sorry Sir Ken – and I hope he continues performing his Happiness Show for as

File photo dated 17/04/1965 Comedian Sir Ken Dodd, who died aged 90, pictured in his dressing room before opening at the London Palladium. © Press Association File photo dated 17/04/1965 Comedian Sir Ken Dodd, who died aged 90, pictured in his dressing room before opening at the London Palladium.

– “An official went to ask my big Auntie Nellie to come off the beach because the tide was waiting to come in.”

– “The man who invented cats’ eyes got the idea when he saw the eyes of a cat in his headlights. If the cat had been going the other way, he would have invented the pencil sharpener.”

He also even came up with a few quips regarding his famous tax fraud trial…

“They stole that idea from me” – Referring to the Inland Revenue and self-assessment of income tax.

“I told the Inland Revenue I didn’t owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.”

“In the 1800s, one of the MPs in London decided to introduce tax. In those days it was 2p in the pound. I thought it still was.”

“I thought it would be a good idea to go into politics. Maybe I am a little old. but you know, I’d love to be Chancellor of the Exchequer. That way I’ll be united with my money.”

“Good evening, my name is Kenneth Arthur Dodd, singer photographic playboy and failed accountant.”

When asked by the trial judge what it felt like to have a hundred thousand pounds stashed in a suitcase in his attic, Dodd replied: “The notes are very light my lord.”

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Sir Ken Dodd from Liverpool is made a Knight Bachelor of the British Empire (Picture: PA). His fast comedy style relies on the quick delivery of one-liners and the occasional song and dance; and Ken is best known for the ‘ tickling stick’ and the greeting of ‘ how tickled I am !’.

Tickling audiences since 1954, Ken Dodd is a formidable force of nature. Are you still telling some of the same jokes ? There’ s no such thing as an old joke , just jokes that people have heard before. A good joke is a good joke at any time, anywhere.

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Source: http://uk.pressfrom.com/news/entertainment/-242868-how-tickled-we-were-sir-ken-dodd-s-best-jokes/

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